Enjoy The Best Sex Of Your Life – During Your Pregnancy
Information about sex while you're expecting a baby

Is Sex During Pregnancy Safe?

Pregnant? Interested in sex? Or is it the last thing on your mind? If you are enjoying sex, here’s what you need to know about the best way to have safe sex during pregnancy. If you’d like to be pregnant, you have sex. But what’s the rule around sex while you are pregnant? Well, the answers aren’t always so clear.

Is it OK to have sex while I’m pregnant?

Yes, provided that your pregnancy is going along normally, sex is something you cna enjoy as often as you like — but remember you may not always want it. In the early stages, hormonal changes, fatigue and nausea may cause you to lose sexual desire. And then, in the second trimester, increased blood flow to your genitals and breasts may make your desire for sex stronger. Alas, the third trimester heralds weight gain, back pain, and tiredness (maybe) and so your enthusiasm for sex may wane once again.

Can sex while I am pregnant cause a miscarriage?

Many couples ask if sex during pregnancy can cause a miscarriage, especially in the early stages. But although early miscarriages do happen, they are not due to sex; they are caused by chromosomal abnormalities or other developmental problems — not anything you do or don’t do in bed!

Does sex during pregnancy harm the baby?

No, because the amniotic fluid in your uterus, and the mucous plug that blocks the cervix throughout most of a normal pregnancy protects the baby. Sexual activity during pregnancy won’t harm your baby.

What are the best sexual positions during pregnancy?

Most sexual positions are OK during pregnancy, as long as you feel comfortable. You can always experiment to find which positions are best for you! But rather than lying on your back, try side by side positions or go on top of your partner or let him enter you from behind. Creativity is important, so keep mutual pleasure and comfort in mind.

What about oral and anal sex?

Oral sex is safe during pregnancy. But never blow air into your vagina – this can produce a life-threatening condition for you and the baby. And anal sex isn’t such a good idea for several reasons – if you have pregnancy-related hemorrhoids it can be uncomfortable. Also, it allow infection-causing bacteria to spread from the rectum to the vagina.

Can female orgasm trigger premature labor?

Orgasm does indeed cause uterine contractions, but they are different from labor contractions; in a normal pregnancy, orgasms — produced by masturbation or intercourse — don’t increase the chances of premature labor or indeed a premature birth. Nor is sex likely to trigger labor even if you are near your due date. 

Are there times when sexual intercourse during pregnancy should be avoided?

Sex is safe throughout most of a woman’s pregnancy, but it’s best to be cautious and avoid sex if:

You have vaginal bleeding of uncertain origin
You’re leaking amniotic fluid
You’re at risk of preterm labor
Your cervix opens prematurely (cervical incompetence)
Your placenta covers your cervical opening, in whole or part (placenta previa)

One of the reasons why there is so much interest in sex during pregnancy is that there doesn’t seem to be a widespread cultural acceptance that pregnant women can or should be sexual.

This is probably the result of the conflict in Western society between the idea of the Madonna, the perfect mother, and the sexual nature of the woman who conceived the child. So I want to start right now by saying, loudly and clearly, that it’s actually absolutely fine to have sex during pregnancy.

Indeed there are many good reasons why you should have sex during pregnancy: it’s a powerful bonding mechanism for a couple, as it maintains intimacy and rekindles love; and orgasms not only make you and your partner feel good but also bathe the baby in a delicious blend of endorphins, enabling it to sharing the experience of bliss and relaxation.

It’s true that there might be one or two hurdles for you to get over, before you can fully enjoy sex, so let’s look at those briefly.

First off, some people think that sex during pregnancy is somehow inappropriate or disrespectful. Well, that’s probably another manifestation of the conflict between sexuality and motherhood. But no mother has to be asexual or suppress her natural desires, and there is actually no reason why she should give up sex. The baby, after all, has no sense of what is happening during your lovemaking.

Sometimes women feel they are no longer attractive during pregnancy; what they probably don’t realise is that for many men, the sight of their pregnant partner is extremely sexually arousing.

Certainly making love to a woman who is pregnant is a new and different experience, but it’s just as rewarding and pleasurable, and has the added dimension of being the act which created this new life; for many men, this fact gives extra power and vitality to the act of lovemaking.

I think it’s fair to say that men generally find pregnant women sexy and attractive. But even if a man doesn’t want to make love to his partner, there are plenty of other ways of being intimate: cuddling, kissing, oral sex, and masturbation are all good substitutes for intercourse.

On the other hand, the changing hormones in a woman’s bloodstream during pregnancy may mean that she finds herself more aroused and sexy,  and that she wants more sex with her partner than before she became pregnant.

She may also find that the nature of her orgasms change: she may reach orgasm more easily, or she may now be multi-orgasmic in a way she never has been before.

What this amounts to is that there’s no easy way to predict what will happen to a couple’s love life when the woman becomes pregnant.

Having said that, there’s no reason why a couple’s sex life should change, unless both partners want it to. This is why good communication and a clear and honest exchange of each other’s thoughts and feelings is essential. It’s necessary to keep the lines of communication open so that unspoken resentments don’t grow into major conflict, and so that a couple continue to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings. This will make sure they can accommodate each other’s sexual wishes, needs and desires.

Is Sex During Pregnancy Safe?

The answer to this is a resounding yes. Sex during pregnancy is safe in almost every case, except perhaps where a woman’s medical adviser has suggested that she avoids sex for some reason.

It’s also important to remember that a woman who’s pregnant shouldn’t have sex with a partner whose sexual history is not clear to her, because of the risk of getting a sexual infection, which may be transmitted to the baby.

Some of the reasons that a doctor might suggest sex is bad idea are: a woman’s history of miscarriage, or preterm labour, or a few other comparatively uncommon medical conditions. These include unexplained vaginal bleeding, leakage of amniotic fluid, placenta previa, and a weak cervix which opens prematurely.

If these apply to you, you’ll know about it, and your doctor will give you further advice.

Of course some women don’t want sex during pregnancy simply because they don’t feel like it, particularly during the later stages of pregnancy when they may feel unattractive, or too preoccupied with the impending birth and what lies beyond to be interested in sex.

Is Orgasm Safe?

It might also be helpful to point out that it’s actually safe for a pregnant woman to have as many orgasms she wants, and although there may be some slight uterine contractions, having an orgasm is not going to induce labour.

The baby is fully protected during pregnancy by the amniotic fluid and the strong muscles of the uterus. In addition, a thick mucus plug seals the cervix and guards against any infection, so that it’s absolutely impossible for the man’s penis or his ejaculated semen to come into contact with the developing baby during intercourse.

So, you can rest assured that in a normal pregnancy where everything is going smoothly, intercourse and orgasm will not affect the baby, nor will they cause a miscarriage or induce uterine contractions.  (In fact the contractions of the uterus that a woman might feel during or after an orgasm are actually very different the contractions that she will feel during labour. )

You may have heard that semen contains a compound called prostaglandin that can actually stimulate uterine contractions, and indeed it has been suggested that a woman who is waiting for a baby to be born should make love to her partner to stimulate the delivery. Unfortunately there is zero evidence that this “old wives tale” actually works!

While the changes associated with pregnancy are happening, a woman may find that her sex drive unexpectedly increases or decreases during pregnancy.

It might decrease because she has to deal with all the common symptoms of pregnancy such as tiredness, tender breasts, and frequent urination; such things may make sex seem just liek another chore. 

On the other hand, some women find that they become
fully immersed in the power of their femininity, and the freedom from contraception that sex during pregnancy allows them means they can express a much higher level of their sexuality; and the closeness they feel to their partner may also make sex more desirable and fulfilling.

And the man, too, may experience an increase or decrease in his sexual desire depending on how much he enjoys the change in the appearance of his partner’s body, or how much he (for example) worries about the health of his baby and its mother.

If a man is having trouble establishing how he feels about his partner as her identity changes from that of sexual partner to mother-to-be, the key, as in any relationship, is good, open and honest communication.

SEX DURING PREGNANCY

Most couples find that they have sex less often once the woman has become pregnant. Sometimes the reason is physical, sometimes it is emotional and sometimes people avoid having sex because they believe, wrongly, that intercourse will damage the baby or disrupt the pregnancy.

Many couples continue sexual activity throughout pregnancy in a natural way, varying the kinds of sexual expression and the frequency according to how they feel at each stage. Some couples however believe that pregnancy means they must reduce or even eliminate altogether the expression of their sexual feelings. Those who believe that sex and pregnancy don’t mix are responding to ancient superstitions and myths, reinforced by age-old religious injunctions; if, as Christianity has often taught, the purpose of sexual activity is to start a pregnancy, there must, for example, be some doubt about the rightness of intercourse with a pregnant woman. Poor guidance from doctors about sex during pregnancy has also contributed to the confusion and ignorance about what can or can’t be done. Also, pregnant women sometimes think they are less attractive and on occasion men agree with them – which tends to reduce the frequency of sexual activity.

The likely reduction in activity may take the form of a decrease in all forms of sex, or it may follow a pattern that has shown up in some research in which there is a reduction of sexual activity in the first and third trimesters, and an increase to the usual or even to a higher rate during the second. Why this pattern should arise we do not know but it may be because a woman’s hormones make her want sex more at this time, or maybe she needs the emotional reassurance of sex.

The nausea and discomfort some women feel during pregnancy may result in their being unable to enjoy sex. Even though this discomfort is usually confined to the mornings of the first trimester, a general uneasiness is created which may cut down on the frequency of intercourse in the second and third trimesters too. The woman may be so fatigued that she lacks the energy and enthusiasm to have intercourse. Some women find that not feeling just right is enough to prevent them from initiating or participating happily in sex.

Sometimes couples are advised by doctors to avoid intercourse, at least for a short while, due to slight bleeding, vaginal or abdominal pain, or if the woman has a history of miscarriage. These are good reasons for not having intercourse early in the pregnancy, but the fear that this information produces in the couple may lead them to avoid having intercourse throughout the pregnancy. Couples should ask their doctor when it is alright to resume regular sex.

Intercourse will become more difficult as the woman’s belly grows if the couple are not familiar with appropriate positions. This is a real physical factor inhibiting sex, but a little experimentation easily gets round the problem.

Q: “Can an orgasm during pregnancy cause labor to start early?”

A: “No. Although orgasm causes the uterus to contract it does not cause the cervix to open, which is what is needed to induce labor. In the very last stage of pregnancy, the ninth month, your cervix may be ripe for labor, and it is possible that the contractions of orgasm may hasten what is going to occur anyway, but it is not something you need concern yourself about.”

Q: “I read that sex late in pregnancy can in some circumstances endanger the fetus. What are the facts?”

A: “Most doctors believe that the psychological benefits of the intimacy intercourse provides during pregnancy are very important. Some doctors, though, advise against intercourse once the cervix starts to open (dilate) during the ninth month and other doctors are now advising their patients to reduce the frequency of intercourse during the last trimester as well. This doesn’t present too much of a problem for most couples as the frequency of intercourse during the last few months tends to decrease anyway.”

Q: “Is it common for men to have affairs when their wives are pregnant?”

A: “No. Although some men have extramarital sex during their wives’ pregnancies it is less frequent than many people believe. Most men are able to achieve sexual satisfaction throughout their wives’ pregnancies without seeking another partner. Only a small proportion (less than 3 percent) of men in one study whose wives were pregnant had sex outside the marriage. The men did however report an increase in sexual fantasies about other women. The authors concluded that a temporary decrease during pregnancy in a couple’s sexual contact was not a significant reason for the man to seek extramarital sex.”

Q: “I’m seven months pregnant and lately I’ve just wanted to kiss and cuddle. Intercourse or oral sex just isn’t for me right now. My husband thinks I’m turned off to him, but I’m not.”

A: “Intercourse and oral sex may be awkward or become uncomfortable during this stage, even when they were enjoyable during the early stages. You can’t expect your husband to read your mind, so share your feelings with him. Kissing and cuddling are important ways of expressing feelings, and if your husband understood the situation his ability to respond would be improved. There is no need for you to drift apart, misunderstand each other and lose the rewards of being close, even late in your pregnancy.”

Sex techniques during pregnancy

All the kinds of sexual expression that couples are used to can continue during pregnancy, though as the woman’s belly grows it is often desirable to adapt their customary positions for intercourse. Many couples find that the frequency of intercourse declines, but they adopt other forms of sexual expression – massage, masturbation and oral sex in particular – so that they can continue to express their intimacy fully. We shall look in turn at each of the main ways of expressing intimacy in pregnancy: intercourse, masturbation, oral sex and massage.

Early in pregnancy, especially in the first three months, the man-on-top position usually presents no physical difficulty for the couple. Couples are often worried that they might hurt the baby, but there is no need for anxiety – they can’t. As the woman’s belly grows larger, the face-to-face position becomes less practical – the belly presents a considerable obstacle to penis-vagina contact. People then make more use of alternatives, such as woman-on-top sex and side-by-side sex.

The woman on top sex position, where she sits astride the man, is entirely safe and no harm can come to the baby. A side by side ex position with the man behind allows for rear entry of the penis into the vagina. Side-by-side sex facing each other is also favorable, as, like rear-entry sex, it means that both people have their hands free to caress each other.

Each couple’s creativity can add variety to these basic positions. For example, the woman-on-top sex position can be done on a chair rather than a bed; for rear-entry sex the woman can be on her hands and knees to start with, rather than lying down. Pregnancy does encourage experimentation and many couples find that some of the practices they discover during pregnancy are continued and become a regular part of their sexual expression after the birth of the baby. Intercourse is not obligatory though, and some couples find that after the, first few months of pregnancy it becomes sufficient to enjoy masturbation.

Self-masturbation and mutual masturbation are both popular during pregnancy. Masturbation may be used as a satisfying end in itself or as part of some other way of releasing sexual tension.

Some people, of course, cannot accept masturbation as a proper practice or as part of their personal ethic, and so they reject it in pregnancy as they do the rest of the time. Masturbation is just as appropriate in pregnancy as at any other time, but if an individual or a couple feels that it simply is not right then it is best ruled off their list of options.

Oral Sex is popular during pregnancy. Some people who used not to have oral sex before pregnancy have experimented as intercourse became more difficult, and found it very satisfying. It can be continued safely right through pregnancy. Sometimes, increased vaginal lubrication and a slight change in vaginal odor present a temporary difficulty, but it is nothing that cannot be overcome by bathing before sex and maybe using a scented lotion.

Massage is an extremely sensuous and fulfilling form of sexual expression. It has the advantage of providing the opportunity for deep feelings to be communicated without a genital act. During the pregnancy period or some part of it this may be an ideal way for a couple to be in close contact with each other and not to have to worry about intercourse, oral sex or other genital practices which they may feel uncomfortable about at the time. Afterward, massage may well remain as another way two people communicate their feelings.
You don’t have to be an expert to provide pleasure through massage. Your partner can tell you what feels good and you can work out satisfying techniques together.

And then there are the small, everyday ways of showing affection. Kissing, holding and touching each other also express loving care, and are important signs that all is well in the relationship and that you are still physically and emotionally close to each other. They can provide reassurance that the two people still find each other attractive even in periods when they may be refraining from genital sex.

Wrong beliefs about sex in pregnancy are legion. These are some:

• women lose interest in sex when they are pregnant
• men are no longer sexually interested in their wives when their bellies start to get bigger
• women cannot have an orgasm when they are pregnant
• intercourse during the first stages of pregnancy will cause the woman to miscarry
• men usually look around for another sex partner when their wives are pregnant because they don’t get enough sex
• from the moment of conception on, intercourse with the man on top is dangerous to the mother and baby
• masturbation is dangerous during pregnancy
• intercourse during pregnancy produces labor regardless of the month
• intercourse, oral sex and sperm pass bacteria to the woman, which leads to physical problems
• babies can feel what is happening during intercourse
• the weight of the man and his thrusting can damage the baby.

FEELINGS

During pregnancy many people – women as well as men – find that their feelings about themselves and their partners affect their sexual practices. These feelings range from optimism and excitement to depression and self-doubt. Not everyone feels the same way during pregnancy and feelings readily change as a pregnancy progresses.

“I feel so unattractive. I’ve lost my shape and I am fat.”

“My breasts are finally the size and shape I’ve always wanted them to be. I feel so sexy.”

“How can he want to look at me or touch me?”

“I couldn’t believe how nurturing I felt. I thought men weren’t supposed to feel that way.”

“She feels ugly and I feel she is blooming. It’s a real turn-on for me.”

“All the attention she and the baby are getting is starting to annoy me. Frankly, I feel left out.”

Some women feel deeply that they have lost their attractiveness when their pregnancies become obvious. They feel their changing appearance is bound to be confusing for their man, who will also be uncertain about how his partner is behaving this way; indeed one partner may find another less attractive: it does happen. Either way, sexual activity diminishes to the detriment of the relationship. on the other hand, a man may find his wife just as appealing, perhaps in a different, more compelling way. The mix of feelings can be subtle and shifting. Suspicion can breed suspicion, which is why it is important for both people to be open about their excitement as well as their anxiety, about their vulnerability as well as their optimism. Each partner is likely to need support and reassurance from the other at some stage in the pregnancy: giving and receiving it will make for greater mutuality and greater fulfillment.

RELATIONSHIPS

If a couple’s sexual activity is reduced during pregnancy, this can easily lead to their feeling estranged from each other. They become concerned, but are unsure whether the increased distance between them is a spontaneous effect of the woman’s being pregnant or whether they can do something about it. They can, of course, change the situation for the better. The barrier that is being built doesn’t have to be there, and it doesn’t have to go on growing. They can discuss their concerns and come to understand each other’s anxieties. Sexual expression during pregnancy can be a very important way of keeping close, of avoiding the separateness that concerns many people. It is natural that there should be some strains on the relationship – couples hope that the baby will be alright, and that they will successfully adapt to their imminent role as parents – but it is through continued intimacy that the couple can adjust and move together. Intimacy built during pregnancy through mutual understanding can be a positive feature of the relationship after the child is born.

CULTURE AND RELIGION

Currently, the major religions do not prohibit sexual activity during pregnancy, though Catholic, Protestant and Jewish believers have all been faced with prohibitions in the past.

For centuries the Catholic Church’s teaching on intercourse was that it was solely for procreative purposes. So it followed that once pregnancy occurred intercourse was not necessary and could be considered a surrender to immoral lust. In the twelfth century the Church taught that sex during pregnancy was a risk to the embryo and would cause a miscarriage. St Thomas Aquinas in the next century also condemned it, and in the fifteenth century St Bernardine wrote that it was animal-like. These attitudes persisted until recently, and were not peculiar to Catholics. The Church of England, for example, right up to the early twentieth century had similar prohibitions against sex during pregnancy. Religious prohibition was translated into social taboo: during the Victorian period intercourse during pregnancy was thought to leave an indelible mark on the baby or to cause it to suffer from epilepsy. Marriage manuals therefore !aught abstinence. There have been some very strict Orthodox Jewish interpretations of Jewish law which suggest avoidance of intercourse during pregnancy, but the fundamental Jewish belief is that sex during pregnancy is a moral act, even a mitzvah for the man if his wife is desirous.